EVACUATION SUCCESSFUL; RESIDENTS REIMBURSED FOR DAMAGES was an article in the River's Edge Dispatch that ran as follows:

River’s Edge Dispatch April 12, 2007

Seven days ago, hundreds, possibly thousands, of rodents infested downtown River’s Edge. Upon their arrival, rabies transmissions increased as well as other viral and bacterial infections. Dozens of locals were infected immediately, and the rate of infections increased consistently over the next few days.

On April 10, the National Guard was called in to help monitor the area until a mandatory evacuation was completed. Officials have now announced that the majority of River’s Edge residents have been successfully evacuated from the area and that officials will hand River’s Edge’s maintenance and security over to U.S. military forces.

On April 11, Mayor Robinson attended a press conference discussing the Guard’s progress in River’s Edge. In response to reporters’ questions, Mayor Robinson guaranteed that the state would “use a portion of county and state taxes to reimburse residents to help with relocation and moving costs.” He continued to say, “This, by no means, will fix all problems. Any resident being cast from his or her home is a problem that cannot be solved by reimbursement. We cannot reimburse emotion, memories, and anything else that comes with being a part of our wonderful community. But we can say that our local officials and military officers will do their best to maintain peace, safety, and to rid our town of this infestation.”

Reports do not disclose as to when River’s Edge will open its bridges and roads for residents to return to their property, but the Lt. Governor released a comment stating “legislation for the reimbursement bill is in motion.”

Behind the scenes Edit

  • The entire article was a lie, as the town was never evacuated, and the picture accompanying the article was of a different city entirely.

Appearances Edit

  • Dead Meat, (Chapter 12: Baggage)
  • Dead Meat, (Chapter 14: Dead Meat, Dead Weight)
  • Dead Meat, (Chapter 17: Old Man Rickett) (Mentioned only)